Note: Blogger does not autosave well. I had a semi-long post and it got deleted when my computer unexpectedly shut down for updates. I wish I didn't have to have that enabled to use the school's wifi. This has made me put off rewriting this post. Not that I really have an excuse.
So, as you probably know, I've been working at a Montessori school these past few months or so. Working there is actually kind of fun. I've gotten attached to all the children (I'm not allowed to call them kids... baby goats are kids). It's pretty hectic but is okay overall. I'm getting up earlier than I had to for school which is a little more than funny, but you know.
The children don't quite take me as serious as the other teachers, but I guess that's okay. They don't listen to me as well. And they're not as quiet when they do listen. Maybe it's because I don't seem to have the scary dangerous sounding mode. All I do is ask nicely for them to do things. And it does, I admit, sound more like asking than telling. There's one child I have been working with in particular. He regularly tells me to shut up or calls me stupid. This puts the other teachers in a what-did-you-just-say scary mode. But I just continue to ask nicely for him to do whatever it was. My trick with him is annoying him into doing what I want him to do. One time I had to ask for an hour and a half before he would do his spelling. But eventually I get so annoying he caves and does it. The teacher/my boss says I'm the only one he listens to. I can't say I truly believe that, but it's a nice thought.
It's weird having a "miss." in front of my name but the weirdest part for me is that I don't feel old enough to work there. After all, I remember being a student of that age. I remember things much differently from how I see them now. For example, the teachers seemed to be rocks. I now know that we aren't rocks at all. We hope to hold strong, but it doesn't feel like we do. The children, ages 5-12, don't seem to notice. It's also weird because I remember being in sixth grade and having some of the same feelings I have now. Even though I know I must have changed. But it just seems a little strange. And I hate thinking that maybe some of the children are like me at those ages.
I'm also a little afraid I'll do or say something I shouldn't, and it'll have an effect on the children. This is not a new fear -- I'm afraid of having a negative effect on everyone -- but I never before have spent every day for months on end with such impressionable people. I guess other than when I was the same age. In the summer I'll be working with even younger children who are even more impressionable. It worries me a little. It was, however, a little reassuring that my boss told me that if I left school she would hire me next year immediately. Maybe it's the mental illness fogging my vision. As I've said before, I know mental illnesses do not rub off. But that's not what it tells me.
Speaking of mental illness, I'm going to write a med update soon. So, stay tuned.
Speaking of mental illness, I'm going to write a med update soon. So, stay tuned.
