Sunday, July 20, 2014

Preparing for Busch Gardens

This week I'm going to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg. I'll post pictures later if I remember to take any. Usually I don't do much sightseeing. Also, I'd rather be living in the moment and look around than take a bunch of pictures. But I'll try to remember. I also prefer to go on rides with my baby sister while my parents think we're going to die. I think roller coasters are safer than driving, but they don't agree. Last time we went to Busch Gardens (in Tampa) my dad got a huge collection of pictures of animal butts. For some reason that was the only angle he could take. Animals kept turning around every time he held up the camera. My pictures may end up being just that as well.

I'm a little nervous about hiding/taking my medication while we're on vacation. It's always worked before, but it still worries me. Although, I guess, I don't have to be that secretive about it anymore since my parents are no longer quite in the dark. I wish they still were. More on that later. But they only think I'm on one medication - when I'm actually on five.

Griffon First Drop.jpg
looking forward to this one
Image credit: Wikipedia

In other news, I'm in a really good mood today. I'm not quite sure why that is, but I'll take it. It might be because I just started zolpidem (Ambien), and it's helping me get the right type of sleep, even though it takes longer than it should to kick in. Or it might be my newish antidepressant kicking in. I'm probably being too optimistic, maybe it's just a good day. Whatever it is, I'm not complaining!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Late Night Cooking: Pita Chips

The other night I decided I wanted something to eat. Typical night, right? Something that did not need very many ingredients, including butter. Because when it's been a very long time since you've gone to the store, you don't have many things. Anyways, I decided I wanted pita chips. Because what could be easier?

I assumed I had all the ingredients. After all flour, water, salt, what more would you need for a flat bread? Well, apparently pita bread is not flat. Pita bread rises. Which means it needs yeast. Something I do not have on hand at my apartment. However, I did not give up. I looked up recipes for pita bread without yeast and struck gold. According to two recipes that I found, you don't need yeast to make pita bread! After several more hours of debating I decided I would just go for it.

I used a recipe I found on a blog with pictures:
Three cups of flour
One teaspoon of salt
One cup of water
A few teaspoons of oil (optional)

Mix, let sit, and fry. Easy.

Well, whoever wrote that blog post must have very different luck cooking than I do. If you remember from two previous posts Cooking Fails and Cooking Fails Part Two I don't always have the best luck in the kitchen. This time was no different.

I mixed the flour and salt. I then added the water. Now, last time I checked (the other day) one cup of water is not enough water to dampen three cups of flour. Not even a little bit. So I added a little more water. And a little more. And then a bit more after that. Much more than one cup. But just enough to make a dough. Then I threw in some unmeasured amount of oil. At this point I realized there's no point even looking at the recipe, I'm flying in the dark. By now it's about 11:30, so, not too late, but late enough. And I crept out into the kitchen to fry the dough. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. I wasn't even in the kitchen to begin with. I didn't want to bother my studying roommate who was in the living room, so I was trying to stay extra quiet for her.

I flattened out the dough. No problems there. I didn't even need flour. Because I had only just made a dough the flour water ratio wasn't very sticky. And fried it in the pan. I was afraid my roommate was going to look over and judge me for frying some sort of dough mixture at 11:30 at night, but she was too busy studying to care. I took it out and put the next one in. As soon as it was cool enough to bite into, actually a bit too soon for that, my mouth is still burnt, I took a huge bite. PITA. IT TASTED LIKE PITA. I was very excited. And continued to fry up dough.

By the time I got to the second one I realized that I had not actually ever been hungry. Just bored and wanting to eat. But, of course, I go for it anyways. It soooorta tasted like pita. I recognized the taste as closer to the homemade tortillas my older sister and I used to make on our tortilla maker. At this point I'm slightly less excited about frying them all up. However, I ate the second "pita" and continued frying. The third "pita" did not taste good. Not even a little bit good. It had no redeeming qualities. I kept frying. Sooner, well, actually later, I had fried all of the disgusting dough. I had still not gotten one glance from my roommate. (sound familiar?) I took it into my room and tried another one. Blargh. Gross.

The next day I threw them all away. Realizing, that I don't really like pita much anyways.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Twitter

As you know, or I hope you know, I have recently started a Twitter account. Twitter is one of the strangest and most anxiety provoking social media site. Mostly for the reason that all social media is scary -- people can see stuff that you say. Now you're probably thinking you're a blogger, you WANT people to see the things that you say. Why else would you have a blog? Now that is a very good question. See, as a blogger, I want more readers. I think most bloggers want more readers. We want people to talk about us. We want people to tell their friends about us. We want people to share our blog with everyone they know and everyone else, too. (hint hint) But, at the same time, I do not want more people to read the things that I write, because that's scary. For some reason more readers does not equate to more people reading my posts. What can I say? Anxiety brain is a strange thing. Now that is not to say I don't like my readers. Oh no. I love my readers. Hi guys. But people reading the things I have to say is a scary thought. I'm not going to lie.

Back to Twitter... Twitter is basically "how many people want to see everything I'm thinking." Maybe I don't want people to know what I'm thinking. Maybe I'm not thinking anything. Maybe I'm only thinking boring things. I don't get how people can continually think of interesting things to put on Twitter. I sure can't. Maybe that's why I don't post as much as many other people. Or maybe I just feel like nothing I have to say is important enough. Low self-esteem for the win.

But why is it scary? Famous people have Twitter accounts. Authors, bloggers, and people I look up to have accounts. Sure, following someone isn't all that scary. Especially someone popular. What's one more follower to them? However, Twitter is set up to have conversations.  Maybe it's just me, but I'm terrified to send a Tweet to someone who I admire. I'm afraid to reply to something someone says. Am I afraid of being judged? Nope. Just afraid. I don't know what to say, and I just can't say anything. It's weird. Of course it's even harder in real life. In real life you're not allowed to freeze up. In real life you can't freeze up or cry. But that doesn't make it any less difficult on Twitter. It's hard for me to understand how people can just answer strangers. I have a difficult time talking to people I know, but people I don't know? nearly impossible.

What do you think about Twitter?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

My Med Story

I know that I'm always curious about others and the medications they've tried, and I know a lot of bloggers have pages that explain what they're taking. I just started on a new medication. So, I decided to do a post.

I've been on psychiatric medications since December of 2012. After a psychotic episode my therapist and I decided that it was probably the way to go. On the bright side, I have not had a psychotic episode since I started on medication.

One of my psychotic episodes happened while I was home on fall break from school. My air conditioner was off, but it was moving. For those of you who have never experienced visual hallucinations -- they're fucking terrifying. Appliances that are off shouldn't move. Yeah, I know, how do I know it was off? And so on. I've heard it all. Just trust me. It was moving. And it was scary. I was so scared I texted one of my friends I was on rocky grounds with. Because I didn't know what else to do. At the time I was still half in the closet, but working my way out, with most of my friends. I ended up leaving the room to take a shower. When I came back it was still moving. Very scary.

When I told my therapist, through a letter because I was too scared to tell her outright, she said the next step was medication. And I hadn't started on it right away because of my inability to talk to people. Apparently psychiatrists aren't as tolerant with anxiety disorders as therapists are.

The medications I have tried in various combinations in the order of starting them:
The medications I am currently on are bolded.

Last Updated: 7/19/14

Zoloft (sertraline)
Desyrel (trazodone)
Vistaril (hydroxyzine)
Effexor (venlafaxine)
Remeron (mirtazapine)
Klonopin (clonazepam)
Wellbutrin (bupropion)
Xanax (alprazolam)
Deplin (l-methylfolate)
Inderal (propranolol)
Abilify (aripiprazole)
Strattera (atomoxetine)
Viibryd (vilazodone)
Cymbalta (duloxetine)
Melatonin
Ambien (zolpidem)

I plan on making a link to this page on my About Me page and keep it updated the best I remember.

And as always, if you have any questions feel free to ask.