Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Best Tattoo Artist - Part Two

Alright, alright. The long awaited story. I wrote the beginning of this post back when I wrote the first part. It has also been a really long time, so forgive me if the details are way off my memory isn't perfect guys.

First of all, I stumbled across a wonderful blog entry by Bobbi Logie that made me laugh and laugh. I highly recommend checking it out if you have a dark sense of humor (as I do). There are some serious parts, but as I've learned, the easiest way to talk about serious/hard topics is by turning them into something you can laugh about.
My last therapist and I did this all the time and then it's like "wait... we're laughing about what? that's so bad." But it's just funny. For example, on my birthday we spent the entire session talking about death. Is that not funny or what? Okay, maybe you need trench humor. I think it's funny. And that's really all that matters.

Okay. Anyways. Back to my story. Well Shavon's story, really. If you have not already read part one you will probably want to before continuing (Or if it's been a really long time). Also, if you have not seen my fabulous artwork, you will definitely want to see it. You're really missing out. I digress.

Shavon and Red Hair were talking about Red Hair's sister - say Jessica. They went back and forth telling parts of the story. I have no idea who said what so I'm just going to pretend only one person said everything and will talk... type in both of their points of view. Which will probably end up more confusing than I think it will be but whatever.

After only being with him for a few weeks, Jessica's boyfriend decided she HAD to get a tattoo removed. He absolutely would not stay with her if she didn't get it covered up. So, she agreed, because they were in looove. And also engaged. I think they had been together maaybe a month? Probably not even a month. And they were engaged. Which actually isn't very surprising for her. She goes through guys like a speed reader goes through books. And they're allllways in loooove. And then they get engaged. She's been engaged more times than I can count. Probably literally. I don't remember how many times. She probably doesn't even remember how many times. "Does she keep the rings?" They're always really shitty cheap rings.

Anyways, so she makes her appointment to get this tattoo covered up. I still don't know if she even wanted it removed. And, might I add, I haven't seen her since them. So, her tattoo is still partially covered up. But I'm getting ahead of myself.... And he FREAKS out. He starts asking her all kinds of questions. Who is this lady? I don't know her. You can't have some stranger do this. It's not allowed. I needed to make that appointment. What do you think you're doing? Blah. Blah. Blah. Eventually, he does a lot of research, and he decides it miiight be okay.

As soon as they arrive, he starts checking the place out. He walks into my tattoo room while I'm working with someone else and starts looking over everything - I send him out and he leaves while fussing. My room. He then proceeds to check out the ENTIRE building. He went in all of the rooms and roamed the entire building looking around, touching everything. Then, he goes outside and walks around and around the building. Apparently that was okay, because he comes back inside. As soon as the other person leaves he goes right into MY tattoo room and starts messing with everything. He looks in the corners for cameras. I'm, of course, pissed off. This is MY room. He starts pelting me with questions, and says he doesn't want her to get it done here. Eventually Jessica talks him into it.

My assistant walks in the room and he FLIPS out and starts screaming I SAID NO ONE ELSE COULD BE IN THE ROOM! Of course we hadn't even started yet! He threatened to take her out of there and my assistant leaves. He then reiterates that it can ONLY happen if no one else is in the room. No assistants. No one else. Just, reluctantly, Shavon, her, and himself. He didn't even want me (Shavon) there. So, of course, I'm really pissed off now. I have to figure out how to do everything myself at once because my assistant can't come in the damn room.

Now, this tattoo is on her stomach. You would think it would be somewhere much more intimate the way he was freaking out. But it wasn't. It wasn't up very high and it didn't even go down to her pelvis. She didn't have to remove any articles of clothing, only lift her shirt up a little. Then, once I'm ready, she lifts up her shirt and he yells WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT??????? I'm ready to about punch this guy in the face. First he judges my room, like there was something wrong with it. And then, he doesn't even want me to look at what I'm trying to cover up! I believe I'm the one doing the service here. I don't have to cover up her tattoo. He's just soo paranoid. But that's not all. It's not over yet.

So, I start to work on her tattoo (I think she was tattooing over it in skin color). And I've been going for maaaybe two minutes, tops. When he looks up and leaves the room SCREAMING. He goes tearing out of the building and runs around to the side of it. We hear him the whole way because he is yelling so loud. So loud - I have no idea what he was yelling about. What he saw was the window in my room. The window in my room facing an alley. The window in my room facing A BRICK WALL. And the curtains weren't closed all the way. There was one small crack in them where THE BRICK WALL was exposed.

He sticks in face up to the window and continues yelling. Then he races back into the building, still yelling, mind you. And comes dashing into my room. I don't I've ever heard someone yell for so long. He was not letting up. He pulls down Jessica's shirt and yells I KNEW THIS WASN'T A GOOD PLACE! ANYONE COULD BE LOOKING IN! I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE THE APPOINTMENT!! He grabs her arm and pulls her out of the building. Still yelling.

Now I'm there watching from the window thinking how is this happening? Why does stuff always happen to me? They could have done this anywhere. But no, it had to be in my office. It's like everyone knows drama has to happen around Shavon. I really need to keep popcorn around.

He ran across two lanes of traffic to get to where they parked the car they came in together. She ran after him. He probably starts yelling again. I saw his arms wildly gesturing. Then he looks like he's about to hit her. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. Should I call the cops? I don't know.

Then he takes off in the other direction.

What the hell is he thinking? Where does he think he's going? They came together. She drove. And he just walks the other way. I kept expecting him to turn around and come back, but he doesn't. He just keeps walking.

So she comes back inside and immediately starts sobbing. She is crying about everything. About how they were going to get married. About how she loooooooooooooooooooooved him. About how no one can ever ever fill this void. I'm stressed out. She calls her dad on the phone and tells him he just has to go to her ex-boyfriend's house and pick up all of her stuff because they just had the worst break up ever. And she could never imagine seeing him again ever. (She had moved out of her parents house in to his two weeks, yes, two weeks, after they had met. Except this house was like a block away her from her parents' house... yeah.) BUT THAT'S STILL NOT THE END OF THE STORY!!

So, anyways, I'm just about done with all of her crap. A client walks in, she's still crying and I decide I'm going to have a cigarette break before I go back to her tattoo. Then, when I come back inside, maybe two minutes later, I am not even kidding right now, they were holding hands. It looked like they had been dating for months. She was grinning broadly, ENGAGEMENT RING STILL ON HER FINGER, like nothing had ever happened. She was so truly happy. Then they just walk out together, holding hands.

I don't even know how to respond to this. I just kind of sat there with my mouth open. They just walked out like they were best friends. Never mind they had only known each other TWO MINUTES. Never mind she had just lost her head because she was never ever ever again going to find love. And she STILL had that ring on her finger. And her tattoo was partially covered.

But I thought, well, at least I don't have to deal with them anymore. But the story isn't over yet.

Now, it happened to be my birthday. And, of course, I have no idea that any of this has happened until Jessica gets home. The very first thing she did was start to yell at our dad. Now, you would think at 20-something she would have been able to go get her own stuff, but she was SO heartbroken and she could NEVER EVER EVER see him again because he hurt her so sooo badly. But somehow, she talked him into it. She is the favorite child. Our parents have even told us that. So he actually had gone to the house and picked up her stuff.

However, apparently that wasn't good enough. Her dad had left a few key items behind. Including her bra in the bathroom, and her underwear on the bedside table. She demanded that her dad go back and get them. Let me just say that again.... She wanted her dad to go back to get UNDERWEAR on the bedside table. And they think I'm the screwed up one. Yeah.

Side note: I mean, I'm pretty open with my parents but not that open. I'm not sure anyone should be that open with their parents.
But you know what? The story isn't over yet.

That day was my birthday and we were going out to eat. So I (Shavon this time) get a phone call from this guy. "Heey," he says in a hushed tone. "So, they're going out to eat tonight because it's Red Hair's birthday." And here I am thinking WHY DO I CARE? "Okayyyy...." "Well... should I go?" again WHY DO I CARE?!? "Were you invited?" "They said I could come if I wanted to." "Do you want to?" "Well, I mean, I don't have any other plans. I guess." "THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ME FOR???" "Okay. Okay. Bye."

So, I'm done at work, and I go home, glad that I don't have to put up with anymore bullshit tonight... when something else happens. I'm at home finally. Sitting on my couch finally. Having a well earned second of peace - WHEN HE CALLS AGAIN. "Hey, Shavon" "What?" I snap. "You have to tell me what to do." "Name-I-Don't-Feel-Like-Making-Up I am at HOME." "Okay. But you haaave you tell me what to do, quick." "fine," I snarl. "So we went out to eat because it was Red Hair's birthday. And we went with their family. It was me, Jessica, Red Hair, and their mom and dad. And we just finished eating. And everyone is paying for themselves. Like, even their mom and dad paid separately." "Okay, so? They went Dutch." "But what do I do? Do I pay for Jessica? Or should I let her pay because even their parents paid separately  Isn't that kind of weird? What do I do?" "What ARE you doing?" "I went to the bathroom after they called for the check." "YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM?" "That's why I'm whispering. You HAVE to tell me what to do." "GET OUT THERE." "But do I pay?" "I don't care. Just GET OUT THERE." "Um, Shavon?" "What?" "Can I call you again?" "NO" "But..." "NO!!! I'm your tattoo artist not your relationship counselor." "But, should I pay?" "GET OUT THERE!"

Now. Imagine that whole story told by someone who is really animated and hysterical. Yeah.
It was worth the wait, wasn't it?

As an added bonus I will include a picture that is on my desktop. I do remember making it (the same day I made my last artwork). I remember who was talking to but not why it was made.

didn't your life just get a little better? thought so.

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