Hello,
I never feel like I have much to say. I'm waiting on an MRI to find out if the bones in my hand are going necrotic. My mood is dipping again. I've been keeping track of habits on my phone and maybe it would be good for me to include blogging as one of them.
I still work in the pharmacy and for some reason everyone thinks like everything about my life is this hysterical joke. And it's like um I don't think that's funny? Then they say I'm funny especially because I don't realize how funny I am. I'm like this huge joke. They've also said they would read my blog. But I kind of hope they don't because I'd rather just be funny to them and not the dark stuff too.
That's about all the energy I have for today. I may or may not write again soon.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Friday, August 11, 2017
I'm Alive
Hey guys, I know it's been a little over a year now since I last posted, but the idea just crossed my head, so let's see how it goes.
Yesterday I had my follow up appointment to my sleep study. The study was horrible, by the way. First they make you sleep all covered in bands and wires and a thing in your nose, then they wake you up at the crack of dawn, well, before the crack of dawn actually, and they tell you you can't sleep - which of course makes you want to sleep. Then, every two hours they tell you, okay, get some sleep. Sleeping is easier this time because there's not a sensor in your nose. But then comes the worst part, they wake you up and tell you you can't sleep anymore. Five of these little naps you take. As you get more and more sleepy and it's just awful. Or maybe that's just me. While it took me some time to fall asleep during the night, apparently during the day it was a different story. Apparently I fell asleep in, on average, three minutes six seconds on all five naps. The doctor explained that although it was not true narcolepsy because I did not go into REM sleep during the naps, it is treated the same way.
Remember back my sophomore year of college when I had to drop out of school because I couldn't stop sleeping? Well I guess we know why now. Idiopathic hypersomnia. So sleepy.
I've also been having some issues with chronic pain. From what I've heard exercise is super good for it. Which is great because it's so hard to do anything when a. I'm always exhausted and b. my work doesn't even have chairs, it's all standing. (Aside, I work as a pharmacy technician now, counting pills, fitting right?) I'm struggling to figure out a plan I can actually follow through with. Even if I try using an app or keeping track on my phone, I'm just too tired to care. Any suggestions?
That's me in a nutshell exhausted and in pain. What about you all? How have you been this past year?
Yesterday I had my follow up appointment to my sleep study. The study was horrible, by the way. First they make you sleep all covered in bands and wires and a thing in your nose, then they wake you up at the crack of dawn, well, before the crack of dawn actually, and they tell you you can't sleep - which of course makes you want to sleep. Then, every two hours they tell you, okay, get some sleep. Sleeping is easier this time because there's not a sensor in your nose. But then comes the worst part, they wake you up and tell you you can't sleep anymore. Five of these little naps you take. As you get more and more sleepy and it's just awful. Or maybe that's just me. While it took me some time to fall asleep during the night, apparently during the day it was a different story. Apparently I fell asleep in, on average, three minutes six seconds on all five naps. The doctor explained that although it was not true narcolepsy because I did not go into REM sleep during the naps, it is treated the same way.
Remember back my sophomore year of college when I had to drop out of school because I couldn't stop sleeping? Well I guess we know why now. Idiopathic hypersomnia. So sleepy.
I've also been having some issues with chronic pain. From what I've heard exercise is super good for it. Which is great because it's so hard to do anything when a. I'm always exhausted and b. my work doesn't even have chairs, it's all standing. (Aside, I work as a pharmacy technician now, counting pills, fitting right?) I'm struggling to figure out a plan I can actually follow through with. Even if I try using an app or keeping track on my phone, I'm just too tired to care. Any suggestions?
That's me in a nutshell exhausted and in pain. What about you all? How have you been this past year?
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Accidentally Graduating
Hi, so, I'm back for now. I haven't forgotten this blog, but I haven't posted since January either. So much has happened since then. I moved back in with my mom due to... well a lot of reasons. My cat was really sick (she got better as soon as I moved), and my parents were worried about me. I've also been struggling financially. After I was in the hospital in January my job stopped giving me hours. Like I came to them the day I got out and gave them my letter that I was okay to start working again. They put me on the schedule once about a month after I got out (probably so they can pretend it wasn't related to being in the hospital), but I haven't had hours once since then and I stopped getting emails telling me that I'm not on the schedule.
After that I looked for a job for awhile, I didn't even get any interviews. I could only apply to places I could walk to, but even the grocery stores and the bowling alley didn't call me back. During that time I was studying for the MCAT. I stopped when I came back to my mom's house because my baby sister was graduating high school. I was going to pick it back up when I got back to my house but that's when my cat got sick, my mom got worried, I came home, and my cat got better. She hadn't been eating or drinking but the day after I came back she was drinking a lot and her weird hiccup thing almost went away completely. However, I never really went back to studying.
I've been doing some acrobatics with my school. In just four years with a summer my attempted credits are up to 193 (the equivalent of about 13 regular semesters). In order to get any financial aid that number has to remain below 180. So I had to do an appeal. I started by trying to get my advisor letter. I eventually had my letter and a supporting letter, but my advisor letter had not gone through. I'm still not so sure what happened there. Eventually I spoke with another advisor in the Dean's office and she advised me to graduate with a BA instead of BS. I was not the biggest fan of this. I only need one more class to graduate with a BS, and I wanted to take Organic Chemistry 2, too. However, I decided that it was in my best interest to graduate. It would save me trying to figure out many things before August 18th. So in my circumstance it would probably better this way. I still need to take Organic Chemistry 2, and because I will not be working towards a degree it will be very expensive. Also, because the college I live near now is much more expensive than the school I went to. Each credit you take here is almost $500. Organic Chemistry 2 is four credits. And there will also be lab fees, whatever other fees that school has, and then of course books, and maybe lab equipment. I have the last two for my former school but that kind of stuff varies from school to school, sometimes professor to professor. So, as long as tuition doesn't go up, which it will, it will be about $2500 plus books and supplies, out of pocket, also plus gas because it's sort of far. So I have to figure out when I want to take that and the MCAT so I can apply to programs next cycle.
Also, if anyone knows any medical field jobs in my area, let me know. I'm looking at a few things, but I'm open to suggestions. Preferably, I am looking for a longer term position because I should have at least two years before I go back to school full time.
So yeah. I sort of graduate today. Well, according to my advisor in the Dean's office. I'm still a little weary because I've only heard it from one person. I haven't been able to find anything online about it. And the Registrar's office told me to call my advisor in the Dean's office. But as far as I know I am graduating today. Yay?
As far as everything else goes, I am going to choose to opt out of saying anything about what is going on right now on the outside of me. However, as far as my mental health stuff, I'm doing really well. I'm not quite sure what happened, but since about February I'm better than I've ever been like ever. I know it was not my most recent hospitalization in January, because I came out of that worse than I went in. Which is pretty scary since I came in via stretcher via ambulance. I'm fine though. Everything was fine. My labs never dropped into scary level, and they were taken so much. I had so many holes in my arms and hands I don't think they could have found another place to draw blood. I was uncomfortable but always fine. Now if I hadn't had gone, that would have been a little different, but I did. I might have another post about that stay and I might not.
Basically, despite it all, I'm doing pretty good. As far as a diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I still have a few. But it's not like how it was all of the other years.
I'm not going to promise to write again soon, because maybe I will and maybe I won't. But I would like to know how you are doing. What have you been up to since January?
After that I looked for a job for awhile, I didn't even get any interviews. I could only apply to places I could walk to, but even the grocery stores and the bowling alley didn't call me back. During that time I was studying for the MCAT. I stopped when I came back to my mom's house because my baby sister was graduating high school. I was going to pick it back up when I got back to my house but that's when my cat got sick, my mom got worried, I came home, and my cat got better. She hadn't been eating or drinking but the day after I came back she was drinking a lot and her weird hiccup thing almost went away completely. However, I never really went back to studying.
I've been doing some acrobatics with my school. In just four years with a summer my attempted credits are up to 193 (the equivalent of about 13 regular semesters). In order to get any financial aid that number has to remain below 180. So I had to do an appeal. I started by trying to get my advisor letter. I eventually had my letter and a supporting letter, but my advisor letter had not gone through. I'm still not so sure what happened there. Eventually I spoke with another advisor in the Dean's office and she advised me to graduate with a BA instead of BS. I was not the biggest fan of this. I only need one more class to graduate with a BS, and I wanted to take Organic Chemistry 2, too. However, I decided that it was in my best interest to graduate. It would save me trying to figure out many things before August 18th. So in my circumstance it would probably better this way. I still need to take Organic Chemistry 2, and because I will not be working towards a degree it will be very expensive. Also, because the college I live near now is much more expensive than the school I went to. Each credit you take here is almost $500. Organic Chemistry 2 is four credits. And there will also be lab fees, whatever other fees that school has, and then of course books, and maybe lab equipment. I have the last two for my former school but that kind of stuff varies from school to school, sometimes professor to professor. So, as long as tuition doesn't go up, which it will, it will be about $2500 plus books and supplies, out of pocket, also plus gas because it's sort of far. So I have to figure out when I want to take that and the MCAT so I can apply to programs next cycle.
Also, if anyone knows any medical field jobs in my area, let me know. I'm looking at a few things, but I'm open to suggestions. Preferably, I am looking for a longer term position because I should have at least two years before I go back to school full time.
So yeah. I sort of graduate today. Well, according to my advisor in the Dean's office. I'm still a little weary because I've only heard it from one person. I haven't been able to find anything online about it. And the Registrar's office told me to call my advisor in the Dean's office. But as far as I know I am graduating today. Yay?
As far as everything else goes, I am going to choose to opt out of saying anything about what is going on right now on the outside of me. However, as far as my mental health stuff, I'm doing really well. I'm not quite sure what happened, but since about February I'm better than I've ever been like ever. I know it was not my most recent hospitalization in January, because I came out of that worse than I went in. Which is pretty scary since I came in via stretcher via ambulance. I'm fine though. Everything was fine. My labs never dropped into scary level, and they were taken so much. I had so many holes in my arms and hands I don't think they could have found another place to draw blood. I was uncomfortable but always fine. Now if I hadn't had gone, that would have been a little different, but I did. I might have another post about that stay and I might not.
Basically, despite it all, I'm doing pretty good. As far as a diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I still have a few. But it's not like how it was all of the other years.
I'm not going to promise to write again soon, because maybe I will and maybe I won't. But I would like to know how you are doing. What have you been up to since January?
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Me #oneword2016
One of my favorite bloggers (and writers... if you have not read Furiously Happy you're doing something wrong) is The Bloggess. She wrote a post called Simple #oneword2016. And she asked us to pick one word for 2016. Her word was "simplify" simplified to "simple." The word I chose was "me."
Interesting choice of word, right? Maybe. I picked "me" because I know I need to focus more on myself than others right now. Being an empath, I spend a lot of time well... empathizing. And while this trait is good, especially in the helping field, which I want to go into, there is a point where it can be too much. Letting others' emotions get to you can be overwhelming. And I want to learn a healthy balance of empathy and selfishness...? Is that the opposite of empathy? I don't know. Close enough.
I also need to focus on myself and my recovery. I need to learn to do things I enjoy. I need to learn how to be content. And I need to learn, really learn, that depression lies. So many things I need to learn to recovery. And not just learn but know. Truly know.
Completely different update (what else is new, right?): As far as sleep goes... it's not. I'm still struggling to fall asleep. I asked my pdoc to change my meds again. Which is a little embarrassing since I saw him yesterday. But you know, we're all friend here... there. Hopefully I'll find something that'll help a little.
What is your #oneword2016?
I also need to focus on myself and my recovery. I need to learn to do things I enjoy. I need to learn how to be content. And I need to learn, really learn, that depression lies. So many things I need to learn to recovery. And not just learn but know. Truly know.
Completely different update (what else is new, right?): As far as sleep goes... it's not. I'm still struggling to fall asleep. I asked my pdoc to change my meds again. Which is a little embarrassing since I saw him yesterday. But you know, we're all friend here... there. Hopefully I'll find something that'll help a little.
What is your #oneword2016?
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